ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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