Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
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something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
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The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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