Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
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Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
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Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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