it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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