You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
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Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
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He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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