pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize