I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
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She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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