3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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