Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
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When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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