Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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