No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize