I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize