I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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