you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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