If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize