just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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