fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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