Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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