GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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