I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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