I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize