It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize