Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize