walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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