I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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