I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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