That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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