i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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