White coat. Heels.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
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Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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