I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize