Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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