fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
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Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Never underestimate the power of titties
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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