he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize