that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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