last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize