glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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