He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
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Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
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He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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