you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
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No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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