dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize