I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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