I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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