I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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