If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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