you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize