I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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