he puts the penis in happiness.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize