i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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