Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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