Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize