What a fucking waste of an outfit
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
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I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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